That I need to seek help. more then just I can cope with this on my own. this depression is far worse now then it ever has been.

Siskmarek if you read this, yes this means I will be going to Weber mental health, and scheduling an appointment with a psychiatrist, it has reached that point.

To much shit has happened in my lifetime, and something's gotta change.

The n ext update will be after I've gone and visited the actual doctor, untill then I will be staying away from the computer as much as possible.

i just don't know anymore.

Family emergency,

Grieving,

Call manager,

Trip down south,

Viewing,

Financial troubles,

Little rest,

Talking to manager,

Finally sleeping,

Woke up 4 hours later,

Not back to sleep,

Waiting,

Good news,

Packing up,

Returning home.

Grieving

Incase you donT understand, this simply has been my past 2 days, after finding out that my mom passed away.

Today, it's a sad day for me.

That's about the only way to put it.

I realized, looking back, that I can't even remember what my biological father looked like, my memory is, (and generally always has been) Shit.

But he is not forgotten, alas there are still memories. 2 in particular that are posative. One (as cheezy as this may sound) was when he came with me to my elementary school, so we sat down to a school lunch together.

And the only other one, was when he brought me down to his room, and we watched the movie Angels in the Outfield.

*sighs* It just seems that happiness is elussive to me.

Why is it I feel so lost right now?

like I don't even know who I am any more?

*sighs* this is why I hate depression especially when they keep continuing, and continuing.